Mirror+Writing

This is my mirrow writing. Mirror Writing - 2nd Draft The young English boy looking back at me looks familiar. His swept back ears and sparking crooked glasses made (//**make**//) him look like he had been in a race. It seems like he’s dark and to himself because of his brown muddy eyes. In his hair he has two blonde corners and than he had brown around it (**//Does this sound right?).//** The blonde and the brown together made him look like he had tried to dye his hair but it went wrong.

He arrived in the world in a hospital in Gloucester England. In his eleven years of living he’s done heaps of stuff from being on a plane for 16 hours and going to a worldwide international train museum. But his most vividly remembered experience was when he was jumping of the Warf at Kowhai Island. He jumped high and fell into the ocean with a sharp, “whoohoo!!” While he was climbing up the step to get back onto the Warf with no warning he felt a sickening pain in his left leg. He ran up the slippery wooden steps shouting, “Mum, mum, mum!!” Once he had got up the steps he looked down at his leg that was in searing pain. There was a deep gash in his leg, so deep that you could see the fat in his leg. There was dark red blood oozing out of it. His dad ran to get a first aid kit but there was nothing it could do to help the boy. In the boat trip back home he cried all the way with a blood stained towel wrapped around his leg. There is still a scar on his left leg to this day.

His ambitions in life are to be a professional drummer. But if that is not possible or out of reach for him he would train to be a computer technician. His favourite subjects are woodwork and maths. His mum and dad think he’s smart at maths and English but they still put him through the Kip McGrath program.

This is the story of the young English boy looking back at me....... Harry Ash. The End.

Mirror Writing-Final Draft The young English boy looking back at me looks familiar. His swept back ears and sparking crooked glasses make him look like he had been in a race. It seems like he’s dark and to himself because of his brown muddy eyes. In his hair he has two blonde but the rest of it is a light brown. The blonde and the brown together made him look like he had tried to dye his hair but it went wrong. He arrived in the world in a hospital in Gloucester England. In his eleven years of living he’s done heaps of stuff from being on a plane for 16 hours and going to a worldwide international train museum. But his most vividly remembered experience was when he was jumping of the Warf at Kowhai Island. He jumped high and fell into the ocean with a sharp, “whoohoo!!” While he was climbing up the step to get back onto the Warf with no warning he felt a sickening pain in his left leg. He ran up the slippery wooden steps shouting, “Mum, mum, mum!!” Once he had got up the steps he looked down at his leg that was in searing pain. There was a deep gash in his leg, so deep that you could see the fat in his leg. There was dark red blood oozing out of it. His dad ran to get a first aid kit but there was nothing it could do to help the boy. In the boat trip back home he cried all the way with a blood stained towel wrapped around his leg. There is still a scar on his left leg to this day. His ambitions in life are to be a professional drummer. But if that is not possible or out of reach for him he would train to be a computer technician. His favourite subjects are woodwork and maths. His mum and dad think he’s smart at maths and English but they still put him through the Kip McGrath program. This is the story of the young English boy looking back at me.......   Harry Ash. The End.
 * //Miss Crawford - This is a great piece writing! You have used many descriptive tools, such as adjectives & similes. Take a look at paragraph 3 for me - it doesn't seem as strong as the rest of the writing. How can we change it to make it stronger?//**